I'm having a crisis of focus and clarity and I'm facing decision time. I am torn in two directions, but by splitting my focus I am stalling progress. Will you weigh in with your thoughts, please?
Direction one: This blog.
The Pros: I love blogging. I love writing and connecting with so many other wonderful bloggers out there. I love documenting portions of my life here and having my family and friends (and perfect strangers) following along. I love getting free stuff to review! Plus, I can do this anywhere, anytime with no constraints.
The Cons: Time and energy are spent with little true, meaningful or monetary return. At three years into the blogosphere, I need to either move on or progress to the next level - a site change (you know it's Wordpress for the pros), a name change and a major makeover are required to turn this hobby-blog into a real business. A last major con is that I really need to be around people, interacting in person, to thrive. I suppose that can be done through networking eventually, but for now it's a very isolated venture. It's fun, but not fulfilling.
Direction two: The Passion Test and Affirmative Thought:
The Pros: I want to be a Passion Test facilitator. I feel strongly that this is a vital step on my path to serve my purpose on this earth. I believe I am meant to inspire women. To help mothers rediscover the voices lost within the care-taking of their children and families. To guide them to find or reclaim their own passions and to assist them in giving themselves permission to embrace those passions! I want to do this one-on-one, but my real passion is in group work and speaking. I am great with small groups and the stage is where I shine. Affirmative Thought is the website/blog that will be devoted to this mission and my PT business.
The Cons: While I've got the "what" down, the "how" still eludes me. It takes planning and of course, money! My Indiegogo campaign was a flop and we're not in a position to spend anything extra when even groceries feel like a luxury at times. Plus, it's very tricky to schedule certification when I'm not sure where I'll be or when I'll be able to pay for it.
Also, it's a 4-day training, which means 6 days away from my kids(due to travel to and from the location, which occurs on specific dates in different areas of the world - I'm considering Tel Aviv in November or Norway in Jan, but that will change if my country of residence does). My husband will only agree with the travel if he can go with me and leave the children in the care of either his sister, his mother or mine (no judgments, please). Money and logistics are the only real issues here, but they are big ones.
|Direction one or Direction two? Photo Credit|
Taking direction two means letting go of this blog, which I'm emotionally attached to. But so much of me goes into it, that there isn't time or energy left for more. It means figuring out what to do with all of my content and make sure it's mine and not Google's.
And if I get really honest with myself, which I always encourage others to do, there's a big fear of failure and inadequacy blocking my way. What if I'm not good at being a Passion Test facilitator? What if I allow myself to get stuck in that fear state and fail because I'm afraid to take action to make things happen? I have a history of lacking determination and failing myself and it's all fear-based. What if I'm not really motivating or inspiring to others? What if most women really have it together and I just think I have a client-base or audience because I had a desperately hard time in the early years of my parenting journey? What if no one wants to hire me or hear me. What if? What if? What if? That's all fear.
Yesterday on my Facebook Page I posted this:
Sometimes the answers you come up with for your toughest life questions are hard to hear.
You can probably tell that I already know my answers, but I am having a real challenge listening.