Friday, October 19, 2012

Don't Let Your Children Share a Room!

Let me be blunt, because I'm tired and need more coffee, bedtime has been a pain in the bum for the past 3 years, ever since my fateful decision to have my young daughters share a room. There was a good reason, of course, their brother was coming soon and we had the standard 3-bedroom house.

At the same time, I shifted her from crib to toddler bed (a matching set for the girls). When two children share a room, the magical boundaries of the big kid bed that I wrote about last week cease to exist. Sharing a room becomes and exploitative journey for children who previously thought bed time actually meant going to sleep.

They're faking.
They discover, instead, that it is an endless playtime away from Mommy's prying eyes. As long as they do so quietly, they could play dolls, read books, dress-up and whatever else little children do until they fell over exhausted with the light on high (tip: always install dimmers on your children's light switches).

However, mine never did so quietly. They did so very loudly. Right above the room in which their papa and I were trying to relax and converse. We tried many tactics over the next couple of years to get them to go to bed and stay in bed and just-go-to-sleep-would-you?!!

Some examples:
- Putting them to bed 30-minutes apart... didn't work. My younger daughter would endlessly pop out telling us she was scared to be alone (baloney).
- Threats of no screen time the following day (or days, depending on how many times I had to come back and tell them to be quiet)... sometimes worked.
-Yelling at them insanely... usually worked because they cried themselves to sleep, but the mommy guilt wasn't worth it and I eventually stopped shouting (mostly) at them day or night.
-Other various threats... sometimes worked, especially their loveys. Not nice. I know. I was desperate.
-Positive rewards; i.e.Getting to stay up late on Fridays, earning good behavior points redeemable for toys/screen time/whatever. Sometimes worked:

Once when my older daughter (then nearly 6) wanted to get her ears pierced she bargained with me for 7 nights of peace at bedtime - she would go to bed and stay quiet until morning (ignoring her sister when asked to play) and if I had to go back in her 7-nights started all over. I accepted her offer! She got her ears pierced 10 days later.

Now, after 3 years, I have easy, breezy bedtimes again. This is, in part, to the kids spending 3-weeks at Grandmas. She would say, "Go get ready for bed," and they would. Then she's tell them to get in bed and they would. Then she'd tell them to go to sleep... and they would. All in 20-minutes or less. I'd been spending an average of 30-minutes per kid. Grandmas are awesome!!!

The other, even more vital part, is that they now each have their own rooms again. They are small, but they are their own. And the girls are older (and well-trained by my miracle mother) and I can simply say, "Go get ready for bed; take your brother and help him, too." And they do. Then they all get to come back downstairs for a few minutes. The Boy gets a 5-minute cuddle with Papa and the girls can engage in a quiet activity, usually drawing or writing, for 15 to 30 minutes.

I put The Boy to bed, we argue for a few minutes about his light (Him: I want it higher! Me: No, you need it dark so that you and Thomas can get your rest. him: Nooooooooooooooooooo, I want it higher. Me: it's like this or it's off. him: Nooooooooooo. Me: There, then (I turn off the light). Him: Turn on the liiiiight! Me: Lay down, be quiet. Him: OK. Me: (I turn on the light very low) Sleep well. I love you. Him: I love you, too.)

I send the girls to their rooms, come up a few minutes later and sing them each their song, give them kisses, maybe have a brief conversation and then I am finished. It is brilliant. I get to relax and enjoy my husband and a glass of wine, a quiet dinner and enjoy peace at last. 90% of the time.

15 comments:

  1. Ah, the horrors of bed time. I used to call my boys "Toaster Babies"...I'd put them to bed and they'd pop right back up.

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    1. Toaster Babies!!! Love that. Thanks, as always, for your visit!

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  2. Bedtime....something that is never very timely....I don't understand why someone named it that. LOL! Thanks for sharing! We're neighbors at A Mommy's Blog Design ;) Blessings!

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    1. No kidding! We should come up with a new name for it. Maybe, "No! I don't want to sleep time," for kids and "Go to bed so I can have some wine time" for parents!

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  3. SLEEP!! It's so fraught. I'm relating to the different attempts at solutions that each fail one by one. And then comes the screaming...

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    1. "Fraught" is absolutely the best word to describe sleep. Ever.

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  4. Yep you are so right my sisters and I used to share a room and we would never go asleep when we were supposed to!

    Found you threw the Friday Chaos hop, following you via gfc :)

    Ashley
    Beauty Flawed

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  5. Hi Tamara, I'm visiting back. Good post, I agree about the separate bedrooms too. Why is it that everyone else can get our kids to do what we can't?

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    1. I don't know! My girls tell me they are scared to do something wrong with Grandma and teachers... I keep telling them they should be more afraid of me!!! Never works.

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  6. Newest follower here! I found you through the Friday blog hop! Cute blog, I can’t wait to read more!
    -meandmr.com

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    1. Hey, thanks for the visit! Now I'm your newest follower too!

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  7. Oh the joys of the rollercoaster called "bedtime" lol. We've had our share of quirky behaviours by our kids that would drag on well past bedtime...exhausting and frustratin! But now we've reached that joyful place (lol) where we say it's bedtime, they get ready and get into bed. Phew!! It makes you appreciate that time you and hubby that much more doesn't it?? That's the only time us moms get to relax and have peace and quiet, so if kids don't cooperate...it can be a battle with our sanity ;) haha. Thank you so much for your kind comment on my SCCTO post!! I really appreciate it and wish it was something you were at as well (I know you live far, far away now lol)!! You would be so awesome to meet in person :) I've always enjoyed your blog and I always feel you write about things I can relate to :)

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    1. Thanks, Brandi!!! Hope you had fun and met wonderful people. I'd love to meet you too. Perhaps one day!

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  8. Children sharing a room may be difficult on mommy but it will provide life long memories of secrets and bedtime games for them!

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    1. Too true, mysterious Bean Woman. I think mine have secured some great memories of secrets and games. They don't need to share a room to make more of them and instead enjoy new trickery outside of bedtime! And don't you find that sisters who tolerate sharing a room with one another can become the best of friends once they have their own space? But not too much space... I miss my seester. I wonder if she's on Skype...

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Go on, tell me what you think!