Tuesday, April 16, 2013

A Disconnected Yo-Yo

The past week has been a yo-yo of highs and lows. One week ago my beloved grandmother died. My internet and phone line died the same day. At that time, my mobile phone was also down and I had no access to phone, email or internet. All except for a spare mobile I keep minutes on, thank goodness, just in case.  

My husband was away and my children were still on their break, as here they had two full weeks off after Easter. Losing the internet was both a blessing and a curse. I couldn't post anything, yet I did some writing.

The girls couldn't play their favorite online game (Moshi Monsters), yet that gave them more time to play creatively. That they did! We hit the library for loads of books and the English equivalent to the Dollar Store, Poundland. For less than a “Tenner” the kids had a fishing game, dolls, cars and I had a new notebook for my return to journaling.

My Sweet Rose is Craftastic! She checked out 3 or 4 different activity and craft books from the library. We experimented, we baked, we painted, we glued, we cut, we pasted! Sometimes I wonder how I, the Anti-Craft, had a daughter with such passion toward anything creative and artistic. Then I remember she has artists on both sides of the family and she clearly inherited the gene.

 One of Sweet Rose's many activities this week.
 This seed has since sprouted!
The biggest high of the week – on Thursday my little brother became a daddy!!!! He’s going to be amazing. My sister-in-law and gorgeous new niece had very special angels watching over them. Both of her grandmothers had died and the birth of her daughter came between one’s funeral and the other’s viewing. Perspective.

Perspective aside, I had a terrible day on Friday. I needed internet access to get flowers sent before my grandmother’s viewing. To my surprise, the library we went to didn't have wifi. The other branch does… never assume. Absentmindedly, I had left my purse and library card in the car. I decided to let the girls stay in the library while The Boy and I raced through the pouring rain back to the car. After 30 minutes of painfully slow internet access I had achieved success. My only one of the day, but the most important one to me.

I quickly paid a couple of bills and add stress upon stress, was completely disheartened to see the amount that remained. Bills or groceries? I've experienced that dilemma far too often in the past two years. I’m over it.

I chose groceries. Here you need a 1 Pound coin to get a grocery cart. I forgot to bring one with me (forgetting is the theme of this story if you haven’t noticed so far), so I decided just to grab the absolute necessities (including something of importance that day with the brand name Always). The kids were absolute gems in the store. I was so grateful because I was on total stress overload by then.

We went through the checkout and I placed all of my items in my reusable grocery bag. Then, I put my debit card in the machine and suddenly had no idea what my pin was. None. The first two numbers came back to me but my brain was too fogged over from all of the other stress and I just couldn't clear my mind and recall the whole thing. I know the numbers are stored in this brain somewhere! I dug through my wallet to see if by some chance I had left the number disguised on a receipt, but that old reminder was long gone.

After three tries and a bit of panic, my debit card’s security kicked in and it locked. I had no cash and no other cards. No money. No groceries. No feminine supplies. Thank goodness I had paper towel at home.
I unpacked the bag and led three confused children back to the car. Never be ashamed to cry in front of your children; just be sure to compose yourself in front of them as well - preferably within a minute or two.

Another high is that through my Indiegogo campaign I have my NLP certification funded. The low is that without the internet I can’t access the training! Furthermore, I haven’t been able to promote a sadly lackluster campaign during its last week. I was hoping for more support, yet with less than 18 hours remaining by the time I get to the closest wifi spot, I’m nowhere near what I need for my Passion Test certification.

That breaks my heart a little bit, because I want it so much. I know that’s the way for me and I can’t wait to share it with the many mothers who find themselves a little lost in the overwhelm of parenting and life. However, I know I need to keep my focus on the what, not the how.

I suppose that’s the key at the end of the day, isn't it? Keeping your focus on what does work, the good that we do experience. The joy that cuts through the stress and grief, even if for a moment. To reflect gratefully on all of the blessings in our lives because at the end of the day, as the authors of The Passion Test themselves say, “What you put your attention on grows stronger in your life.”

Acknowledge the downs, and appreciate and give your attention to the ups. I’ll leave you with one final mantra. I can’t recall who said it (right, I obviously have memory issues). Even so, I love and try to live this:

What you appreciate appreciates.

I appreciate you. Thank you for visiting.

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