It's Been A Long Time

Wow. It's been 3 months since I last posted. That may be a record since I started this blog... gosh, nearly 5 years ago! Since its inception, I've started a business, closed a business, moved overseas become a coach and certified Passion Test facilitator, started that new business and moved back to the US. It's been a busy time.

So much change is going on in my life that I've resisted coming back here, even though it always feels like home when I do. I've resisted because at this point in my life, I"m not sure how much I want to share. Life, though through my choosing, has altered in ways I hadn't expected.

This blog has always been therapeutic; a place where I could bare all. Now, I am stepping more fully into my authenticity, my integrity, and as right as it feels privately, I'm not sure it's right publicly to do what I've always done, be what I've always been - an open book.

Maybe it doesn't even matter because only about 3 people even read this thing anymore with losing my domain and then having it redirected to blogspot.uk. I don't know. But I miss it here; I miss sharing my thoughts and my heart.

Maybe it's time for a fresh start. A whole new blog devoted to starting over. Starting all over. A new story in a new book. Now that feels just about right.

I've been thinking... it's time to drop the mop!

Finding What is Lost

Motherhood is an incredible experience that puts us in touch with a part of our femininity like nothing else can. Giving birth to my children, especially the two that were un-medicated, gave me a phenomenal sense of my feminine power.

My body knew just what to do and no doctor, nurse, textbook or parenting website was necessary. Yet, an interesting thing happens along the path, or at least it has happened for me... I have totally lost touch with that side of me; the power and presence of my womanhood.

Through the years of babies and diapers and utter chaos and mess, my feminine presence fell by the wayside. Though I always manage to get my shower and put on my lipstick, I lost my sexy. I lost that thing I used to have when I stepped onto the dance floor at a club or walked down the halls at University or the workplaces that followed. My flow, my spark, my sensuality.

I lost the flirty, sexy, free feeling woman who once lived here. I lost my libido. I lost my connection to myself. I became closed and stifled.

For the past two years or so I've made tremendous strides in my personal development, even becoming a life coach and Passion Test facilitator. I have SO much passion for women and mothers and getting people to switch on the light to a better life, their ideal life! Yet, not so much passion at home or in the bedroom.

A couple of weeks ago one of my mentors ran a Red Tent Revival and I found myself shocked at how squeamish I got with some of the interviews and material. Eroticism, orgasms, burlesque dancing and a lot more. I thought, how is this possible? I used to facilitate classes getting people comfortable talking about sex and exploring their sexuality and now, not even 20 years later, my cheeks are getting red hearing about erotic edges? WTH?

When did I become such a prude?! So, I'm working on it. Because that's what I do. I find those edges of me that aren't fully formed and I choose to allow growth. That is why we're here. One of Kristin's pictures speaks volumes:

So that's what I'm doing. Stretching myself. I had a session with an incredible coach who blew through my excuses and created an incredible "aha" moment for me regarding the dichotomy between who I am at home with my family and who I am with friends, peers and clients. I'll tell you about it next time, so stay tuned. 

PS: It's the last day to join the Pleasure Tribe... find out more here. I'm giving away a Passion Test and 3 follow-up coaching sessions for anyone who joins under my affiliate link. 

Entering the Red Tent... as a Mom

I know I don't blog too much over here anymore, but it's still the place I come when I want to express and share more personal things than over at Affirmative Thought. It's funny to me because my business is a part of my heart and very personal, yet I'm not quite ready to share my heart as easily as I do here.

Perhaps it's because here, I'm a mom, there I'm a coach, a professional. Here, just a peer. Today, I want to connect with my readers as a woman and as a mom.

There is an online event going on right now called The Red Tent Revival. It's powerful and just a little scary, to be honest.

Transformation is not meant to be easy... it's supposed to scare us. It is change and growth and it's a journey that takes us deep within ourselves, so that when we come back out into the light we are more than we were before. More of who we're meant to be in this life and more of who we're meant to be in this world.

So, in the Red Tent, Kristin Sweeting Morelli, one of my mentors and lights guiding my way, is showing all of us women how to reconnect to all that we've lost or covered over in this masculine world that we live in; all of the thinking we do instead of feeling; all of the surviving we do instead of thriving... Kristin is helping us to break down those walls.

She is so beautifully authentic that it's almost heart-breaking. How rare is it to see a magnificently powerful and successful woman bearing her heart and soul and tears to her audience? Kristin does and it moves me.

So, I want you to join in... enter the red tent. The event is half over, but there are replays every day and an option to own the whole event and upgrade to get some seriously incredible live demos. You know how to know when you need something (as far as personal development and growth are concerned)? The thought of having it, being it or learning it makes you uncomfortable.

Some of the dancing and demos and discussions make me uncomfortable. That's my clue that I've lost touch with those areas of myself, my femininity, my sexuality. As a warrior of the light, I force myself to move forward and break through my barriers so that I can be a better Coach, a better leader for women, a better mom and even a better wife.

Be brave. I'll be there. Go see for yourself what's inside of the Red Tent.

I Said Goodbye to my Baby

My girl is no longer my baby. She's turning 9 at the end of the month and yesterday she left with a group of 60 on her first school trip. This is the first time she's ever been off on her own without any family.

It's a big step and we were both a little nervous, but we said our goodbyes without any tears (at least until the bus drove off for me). I left her one note to read for each day. The songs I have sung to her every night of her life included with musical note symbols drawn all around the lyrics.

So many parents talk about how quickly it all goes and how they wish they could keep their little ones little forever. I agree with the first part and not the second.

I love watching them grow up. I love the new conversations we share, seeing them develop into these incredible people. Babies are cute and soft and cuddly and... smelly and messy! My kids are still messy and cuddly and now they are people that I enjoy. They get my jokes, they enjoy my "crazy" in a different way.

They reflect back to me the apparently amazing job that I am doing as a mom. I love all of the stages - knowing that the tough ones will come to an end and curious to see how the next stages will evolve.

Motherhood is where we learn to truly love the journey and rarely is our focus on the destination. We live moment to moment, making the best decisions we can with whatever resources we have, really leaving it up to faith and a lot of hard work that our efforts will benefit the world.

I don't always enjoy being a mom, but I sure love motherhood. How about you?

(c) 2005 Tamara Vellozzo

She's not a baby anymore... thank goodness!

You've Seen This Title Before: Day 1 of the Orange Rhino Challenge... Again

For any of my lingering readers, I posted today about my Orange Rhino Journey, but I'd love for you to read it over at my website, Affirmative Thought, because it just made more sense over there. I'd love to hear your thoughts and your experiences.

I talk about this place in the post. Isn't it beautiful?

Written Meditation

I write more often when I'm down, pensive, frustrated. It's my way of cleansing myself of my negativity. Some new thought leaders suggest never penning what ails you, keeping quiet about the things in life that you wish were different and releasing through meditation or creative visualization.

Most of the time I ascribe to such advice. Today, though, I'm hitting a bump. This is what yelling does to me. It's been a trying week and finally, this morning, I lost it big time. It had absolutely nothing to do with the kid that I yelled at. It had everything to do with my stress around our finances, my too-slow-business growth and probably hormones.

So, I write. Like the pensieve that Dumbledore used to store his thoughts, I use writing to detoxify my mind. I'm wondering today what the point is the point of it all? Void of my characteristic cheerfulness, I feel hopeless. All those uplifting quotes on Facebook serve to diminish instead of inspire me.

I've learned that when one is on their path, on their purpose, there is a flow to life. My life is not flowing. My path is muddy, rocky, disrupted, disjointed. So, am I on the right path? When do I get to actually use some of my learnings instead of continually facing the challenges that teach?

I cry to the Universe for hope. Confirmation. Otherwise, I may as well chuck my aspirations in the bin and focus my energies simply on being the best mother and homemaker I can be. That will require dusting and once and for all matching all of the socks. I want more.

I want to BE hope, to BE light, to BE inspiration.

(Aha moment) This is tension. I have forgotten the very credo of my beloved Passion Test. Intention, Attention, No Tension. I am in a state of tension.

Yet, through this written meditation I have made a connection. This melancholy is an aspect of my authenticity. Passion #4: When my life is ideal, I am living authentically from my heart and soul.

Being authentic, for me, is not all cheer and forward movement. It is also embracing my sadness, pausing and reflecting. That is what the Universe ("God" to many) has been showing me this week. I am grateful for yet another lesson.

This is why I write.

Day 12: The Orange Rhino Challenge

I am on my 12th successful day in a row in the Orange Rhino Challenge. This is only the second time I've gotten this far since I began in December. The first time I was away from my family from days 9 to 14!! (To find out what I learned on my first good run, click here.)

This time, I feel different. My kids feel different. My family feels different. I feel lighter and happier even though the usual underlying stress is still ever present. Money is tight, schedules are tight, children are children. Yet, I feel at ease in my skin, peaceful in my home and more loving than ever.

Choosing to stop yelling and to more importantly, choosing to use a kinder, loving voice with my children requires a 100% commitment and the awareness that the only failure is to stop trying. Try every hour. Every day until a shift happens. That's what I've done and I feel the shift.

But here's the thing someone who wants to yell less (or not at all) needs to know - it is the yeller who must change before anything else; before the children, the schedule, the finances. Whatever stress I used to use as an excuse to lose my temper with my children is no longer valid. Yes, we're all just human, and I'm committed to being the best damn human I can be. Every day I make choices to step deeper into the shoes of the woman I want to be.

I've been practicing this since December and here it is March. Over the course of the past 3 months I've successfully kept my temper in check essentially 2 out of 3 months. That's pretty good for this reforming fuse-blower.

How do I do that? How can you? It begins with a choice, then a commitment. Then, a support group. I post my success and failures on Facebook. Sometimes publicly, more often privately to garner support and encouragement from my family and close friends. I post also to inspire those close to me with children at home to join in the challenge with me!

Next, tools!!! There are plenty of tools to help. Fortunately, I know a few and I am always willing to ask for help. That's probably the best tool in my kit - the ability and willingness to ask for help. This is about my kids; about providing them with the best damn foundation that I can and that requires working on me first, so I ask for help because it matters so much.

Other incredible tools include The Passion Test. Through The Passion Test, I clarified that right now enjoying a happy, joyful, respectful family life and being the role-model that I really want to be for my children are two of my top 5 passions. Putting my attention on those helps them to grow stronger in my life and that is exactly what is happening. I love The Passion Test SO MUCH!!!! (Find out what it is here.)

Another tool is EFT or tapping. For the past several days The Tapping Solution has been running a summit full of incredible interviews and plenty of tapping. If you have no idea what this is, I encourage you to check it out because it is a powerful tool for stress relief, pain relief and any other kind of relief you may seek!

Finally, NLP. This is the other certification I've been studying and practicing for over the past several months. One process had me go back to the root of my anger and release it - and it seems to have worked beautifully.

As you can see, I'm giving this challenge my all. I'm doing everything possible to succeed because it isn't really about "not yelling." It's about being the mother my children deserve to have and being the woman that I truly am.

Photo Source: Brian Tracy FB Page

What I Did

Too short of a title? I've never been one with words... er, well, titles anyway. I always left them up to my sister. "Hey, Jen!" I'd say, "I wrote a great story, now what should I call it?" Then she'd pop out a few snappy titles for me to choose from and everyone was happy. Now she's too busy yelling at police cadets (that's her job) and mothering her 3 little babes (that's her other job) to bother for blog post titles, so you're stuck with this one.

Anyway, after quite the hiatus I am back on the blog and on with the vlogs! I think I might love vlogging even more than blogging. It's that (not-so-secret) longing of mine to become quite famous.

Regardless, I'm linking up with Mama Kat sharing what I did (see, that title totally works, right?) last week. If you follow me on Facebook you'll already be well aware! Best weekend EVER!

So, here goes. Tell me what you think.

Lost and Found

Hooray, hooray! You probably didn't notice because my posts are so infrequent these days, but my blog has been missing from the internet for the past several weeks. It expired (I didn't notice at first) and for the life of me, I could not find a way to renew it. It appears that my host sold me off to a third-party and I do not have the internet detective skills to figure out who to pay!

Nevermind, it really doesn't matter to me as I have no real attachment to this blog anymore. That said, I do love to write and share somewhere that is just for me and this is that place. It's for you, too, and that's why I'm so glad it is here again! Confused? Me too!

I'm content that when I want to share a funny mishap about raising bilingual kids, I'll be able to direct you here. Or to tell you how I have two (so far, out of three) of the most voracious readers I know, I can send you here. And when I want to rave about the amazing man I am so fortunate to get to call, "Dad," I can send you here! And when I want to remember how far I've come in the past couple of years, I'll send you to my favorite vlog here.

Janet Attwood and me!  

Tomorrow, or next week or some point in the future, I'll tell you what all of this has to do with something I learned in Norway this past weekend at my Passion Test Facilitator Certification! Yes!!! I'm finally certified!!! If you've followed me awhile, you know that it's been a passion of mine for the past couple of years to launch my coaching career through The Passion Test.

That something is Intention, Attention, No Tension. It works like a charm every time.

Today, happiness for me is getting my blog back! Please leave a comment and fill in the blank: For me, happiness is _____________.

Hugs!