No More Yelling!

I am proud of myself today. I haven't yelled at my kids since Thursday. This may surprise some of you, but I am a recovering shouter. It's true. Until Thursday, I yelled at my kids frequently, and especially in the morning during the get-ready-for-school rush and at bedtime, when I'm eager for the day to be done.

Thursday I dropped them off feeling horrible. Guilty. I had shouted, pretty much at the top of my lungs, at my eldest for her lack of motion when we were already running late. The need for punctuality is a trigger of mine, and it is no excuse to berate my children. Then, for basically the same reason (lack of motion) that evening, I shouted at my younger daughter to get ready for bed.

I don't say mean things, but I have had a tendency to say things meanly. I'll tell them once nicely, twice firmly, thrice with some spice and the fourth, well... the yell. For months I've been concerned about their self-esteem and too late, I have realized that it is directly connected to the amount of shouting that I do. Well, not too late. Just in time.

Remember when you learned that you could say pretty much anything you wanted to a young baby and the only thing that actually mattered in regards to their comfort (or upset) was the way you said it? It didn't matter whether you were spouting every swearword in the book or reciting Hush Little Baby, what counted - what counts - is your tone and body language.

So, I have finally chosen to stop shouting and yelling. I have made leaps and bounds in my own personal development over the past few years, and especially this past year (becoming a life coach and all that), yet I couldn't nail this parenting flaw. Or wouldn't. Wouldn't own up to the fact that losing my temper was a full-on choice.

Now I am. With the help of a website I happened upon several months ago, The Orange Rhino. Friday, I decided to take the challenge. Well, really I decided Thursday after drop-off, but then I lost it and yelled at Sweet Rose anyway that night.

Friday I committed to the challenge and I made it through the day without yelling at my kids. Then at the very end of the night I got annoyed with my husband over him disrupting bedtime (annoyed that my husband wanted extra cuddles with his kid because he'd been away again all week? Hello!) and yelled at him.

My kids agreed I had to start over. Today marks day 3 of successfully not yelling at anyone. Of course, all three are at school, but I made it through the weekend and the morning rush (we were running really late!) successfully.

It felt amazing this morning to notice that normally I would be shouting at my kids for not being dressed yet when we were supposed to be getting our shoes on and out the door. It felt incredible in that moment to observe myself actively choosing to be calm and present with them.

Yelling at them is a disconnect. A coping mechanism. A way to put the focus on their behavior instead of mine. What it actually does is disconnect them from me in a negative way, make them feel unsafe with their own mother and cause them to lose respect for me. In turn, I feel guilty and lose respect for myself. No wonder there are self-esteem issues in this house.

I haven't been the mother or the role-model I imagined I would be 9 years ago before Nature Girl actually popped out, followed very quickly by her sister. Now, I see that woman in sight. Very nearby, in fact. I know that this isn't something I can do by myself. That's why I'm publicly stating that I am no longer going to yell at my children. That is why I have enlisted their help and the help of a couple of mom friends, my NLP accountability partner (who is working process magic on me to help me change limiting beliefs and interrupt negative patterns in my behavior) and even a counselor to help me see more clearly what I'm modeling to my children.

Are you a yeller? Are you brave enough to stop? Take the challenge with me! Read up on the challenge details, including the definitions of yelling and the voice levels involved. Then let me know you're in and we'll support each other! Not a yeller or your kids are grown and gone? Encourage me! :)

Missing Thanksgiving

Hello dear friends,

I have fallen out of love with this blog as I speed purposefully onto my path. These days, I'm primarily studying for my NLP certification and preparing for my Passion Test certification, which will finally happen in January!!! You can visit www.affirmativethought.com or Facebook to keep up with me and be inspired!

Yes, I'm headed to Norway to achieve my biggest goal so far and my body literally shoots sparks with excitement! I'll need to do 10 complimentary tests (2 sessions of 1.5 hours) before I begin charging for my services. I've got a few people on my list, but if you would like to be one of them, please let me know! I'd be very happy to do this for a few bloggers in exchange for a link or review, or simply to take you to the next level in your life.

Life in England has its challenges, like anywhere else, but they are well worth meeting. My children are doing incredibly well in school. Parent-teacher meetings are events I absolutely love. My husband's periodic travels allow me to connect more with the kids and at the same time, focus on my studies and my new website.

The weather is cold, but the leaves are still on the trees and it seems as if they get more and more beautiful every day. In Michigan, Autumn comes and goes too quickly, with the most intense beauty in mid to late October. That gorgeousness has lasted here for the past 8 weeks. It's as if the changing of the leaves has been put on slow motion, so I get to see every subtle hue, slightly more intense each day.

I can see this effect nearing its end, as the gold shimmering upon some branches is turning to a pale yellow, but it has been an incredible tool in my gratitude exercise this month. Even as those leaves lose their luster, the deep salmon on others embracing the narrow, winding roads often leave me breathless with their exquisiteness.

It is my favorite time of the year, extended for my pleasure.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I miss my family, of course. It has always been my favorite holiday. Great food, good company and copious laughter. I long to sit at my mother's table among the best people I know. I wish so to meet my newest nieces and would simply love to watch the next generation play together.

This is the part that makes living overseas hard on my heart. Yet, as amazing and fulfilling as it would be to live right next door to the people I love, I know that the life experiences my children are gaining living in a multi-cultural family in another part of the world are shaping them to be who they are meant to be. None of this happens by accident, only grand design.

And the same goes for me. Every step that I take, every challenge or splendor, shapes me to be a better version of myself than the one who was here yesterday.

I love my life and I am thankful that you are in it. Happy Thanksgiving!

K5 Online Reading and Math Programs are Open to Blogger Reviews!

I am very excited to tell you about K5! K5 Learning has an online reading and math program for kindergarten to grade 5 students. 

I've been given a 6 week free trial to test and write a review of their program. If you are a blogger, you may want to check out their open invitation to write an online learning review of their program.

I will happily be testing this out with my 8, 7 and 4 year old children and look forward to telling you all about it! It's the perfect timing as the half-term break is coming up and The Boy is really ready to read!! I may even give periodic updates leading up to the full review, so keep watching! 

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today I was guided through The Passion Test. If you haven't heard of it before, you should head straight to the library or buy your copy online right now! I've included an affiliate link to make it easy for you. ;) Just click on the book.

The other day, as I sat at my desk working on my new website www.affirmativethought.com I looked up and saw the list I have taped to the wall. It's the list of my top 5 passions in life. I read the list almost every day as a reminder of how I want my life to be, but I guess I haven't really read it in awhile because suddenly I was struck by a realization.

I sent a note of gratitude to Michelle, the facilitator that guided me (find her at www.peaksofpossibliity.com). Then I posted this on my Facebook Wall:

Almost exactly one year ago I was guided through The Passion Test by a wonderful woman, certified facilitator Michelle Simons. I was homesick, relatively unhappy and feeling a bit lost. I was essentially a soul-searching housewife. Today I reviewed what I discovered then were my top 5 passions and I am happy to report that I am now experiencing 3 out of 5 and can practically feel the other two at my fingertips! It wasn't by dreaming or magic that my life has changed. It was by a few small steps every day focusing more on the life I wanted than what in life I didn't want. — feeling blessed.

Of the 5 items, none of which I was experiencing one year ago, I live 3 of them today. The other two are just a fingertips length away and it is so exciting to actually see the results that I am creating!

One of my friends asked me to share my top 5, which I did. Then she asked a follow-up question about the test being more than just helping you to figure out what your hobbies are or what you love to do. Here was my response:

The test goes much deeper. That depth is the essence of The Passion Test. I came to discover what those terms meant to me through the test. When you start you just write down everything you're passionate about - singing and writing were on my list. But as you whittle through what is most important, what you could live without and what you couldn't, a new picture emerges. So, I could say singing is one of my passions, it is, of course. But then, why? For what purpose? Joy. Singing brings me joy. I could say I want to be financially wealthy, but for what purpose? Freedom to do what I choose to whenever I want to do it. Abundance because I want more than stuff or experiences - I want to feel full and rich on every level of my life - health, love, spirituality. The fun part is that you do the test every 6 months or so because our passions change and evolve. I can honestly say that I wasn't hitting any of my 5 a year ago. I just knew that was what I wanted my life to be like. Now I'm on a mission to help every woman live her ideal life! The life she would choose - not just the one she's fallen into or ended up with.


The Passion Test helped me to figure out what I was here for - my purpose on this Earth. Now, with small steps forward every day (and occasionally a few steps backward), I truly am living the life of my own choosing. It's damn exciting to see that you actually can have any life you want to have. You just have to decide. 


*** I am now a Certified Life Coach! If you want to take a step toward your ideal life, I can help! Contact me for a free 30-minute consultation. 

Delicious and EASY Homemade Bread

Looks good, doesn't it? It was delicious. So good, in fact, I made the very same loaf twice in one week and actually wrote down my recipe! Normally I just wing it, but the French Guy told me this was the loaf of loafs and a few of my Facebook friends requested the details, so here goes... 

Ingredients:

3C Bread Flour

3/4C Plain Flour

1/4 C Whole Meal Bread Flour

1 Packet Active Dry Yeast 

1 TBSP Sea Salt (or slightly less, ground)

1 TBSP Extra Virgin Olive Oil (or so)

2C Very warm water (approximately)

The Steps:

1. In a large bowl, mix the dry ingredients, then add the oil. I use a fork, though some say a wooden spoon is best for bread dough. 

2. Stir in the water slowly, mixing and shaping into a ball with your fork (you can dig straight in with your hands if you prefer). 

3. Once all of the flour is combined, ditch the fork and turn out the dough onto a lightly floured work surface (I use a large plastic cutting board). Knead the dough for 5 to 10 minutes, adding pinches of flour as necessary, until you have a relatively silky ball of dough.

*** If you've never done this before, relax and enjoy the process. Remove rings first! Resist the urge to add too much flour - it will get less sticky as you go along. Also, I find that adding a touch more oil mid-way through the kneading process helps keep it moist (which makes for better bread) while reducing the sticky-factor. 

4. Return your ball of dough to the bowl and cover with a damp kitchen towel or cling film (that's what I use). Leave to rise for 1 to 2 hours in a warm (not hot), draft-free place until the dough has at least doubled in size.

5. Knock out the air (that means to gently push down the dough with your fist). Knead it again for 2 to 3 minutes.

6. Lightly oil your baking pan (don't use your good olive oil unless it's all you have - vegetable or sunflower oil is fine for this; you just don't want your bread to stick) and shape the dough into your preferred bread shape. 

***For this loaf, I did a standard bread loaf shape because I was going to use it for school lunch sandwiches. I used the same recipe for a pizza dough and that was delicious too (you just roll it out in place of step 7 below and you have enough for 1 pizza and bread-sticks, too!)!

7. Flour and Score: Lightly dust the loaf with flour and then slash a very sharp knife through the dough in your preferred pattern. Not too deep - just a few centimeters will do. Leave it to rise for another 30 minutes or just until your oven is good and hot; your choice. 

Now, for the cooking. My oven tends to burn everything! Knowing how your oven cooks things is important here, so you may not need to do exactly what I do, but here's what I do: 

8. Preheat the oven to 200°C/375°F using the Fan option if you have one. If you don't have a fan oven, preheat it to 210°C/400°F instead.

9. Pop your baby (I mean the loaf) into the center of the oven, ensuring there is enough room between racks for your bread to double in size. 

10. After 5 minutes, reduce your heat back down to 200°C/375°F and/or switch the setting to side-heat. Cook for a total of 40 minutes.

*** At the 20-minute mark, I pop a piece of foil over my loaf so that it the outside doesn't burn and the inside can fully cook. You may not need to do this - know your oven!

11. Take a few sniffs. Oh, there's nothing like the smell of baking bread! 

12. When the time is up, remove your bread. It should move easily, or at least with little effort on your part to move it, on the baking sheet. If it is still really stuck, pop it back in for 5 - 10 more minutes. Turn it on it's side and knock on the bottom of the loaf. If it is soft, put it back in for another 10 minutes. If it sounds hollow and is quite firm, it's done!

13. Leave it to rest for 30m to an hour if you can resist tearing into it right away. It will finish cooking during this period, so do try to leave it alone! ;) 

Now, this whole thing sounds long and complicated, but when you put it together it is really very quick and easy. I do the first steps in the early afternoon and knock it back down just before I leave to pick-up my kids from school (if you're a work-outside-of-the-home person, try it on your day off! It's good stress-relief!). Sometimes I even let it fully rise once more in the bowl and only shape it once I'm home, leaving it to rise again while the oven preheats. 

Baking bread is a creative process; an art more than a science. This is a very basic loaf. Once you've done it a few times you can experiment with your own combination of ingredients, shapes and sizes. It's fun and tastes better than anything you've ever bought from the store!! It's very nearly as satisfying as carrying and giving birth to a child. Really. 

Give it a go and tell me how it turned out!!! Baking bread rocks!!!